When Parents Put Down Their Phones, Kids Feel It
Every parent has experienced it.
Your child starts telling you about their day. Your phone buzzes. You glance down “just for a second.” Before you know it, you’ve missed half the story.
Most of us assume that children are the ones who need less screen time. However, new research suggests that parents’ phone habits may be just as important. A recent study found that when children perceive their parents as distracted by their phones, they are more likely to experience anxiety, insecurity, and feelings of being unimportant. Researchers call this behavior “phubbing”—snubbing someone by paying attention to your phone instead.
Why It Matters
Children don’t simply need parents who are physically present. They need parents who are emotionally available.
Eye contact, listening, smiling, and responding to a child’s thoughts help build what psychologists call secure attachment. These everyday interactions teach children that they are valued, safe, and worthy of attention.
When a parent repeatedly interrupts those moments to check notifications, answer texts, or scroll social media, children may interpret the message very differently:
- “My thoughts aren’t important.”
- “Something on that screen matters more than I do.”
- “I have to compete for my parent’s attention.”
Most parents would never intentionally send those messages. Yet children often experience them that way.
It’s Not About Perfection
This doesn’t mean parents should feel guilty every time they answer a phone call or reply to a work message.
Life happens.
Healthcare workers, first responders, business owners, and many other professionals may need to stay connected. The goal isn’t to eliminate technology. The goal is to make sure technology doesn’t consistently interrupt our relationships.
Children don’t need perfect parents.
They need present parents.
Your Children Are Watching More Than They Are Listening
Parents often worry about how much time their children spend on phones.
But children learn more from what they see than what they hear.
If they watch us constantly checking notifications during meals, conversations, sporting events, or family activities, that becomes their model for what “normal” looks like.
In other words, our screen habits become their screen habits.
Research has consistently found that heavier parental phone use is associated with greater screen use and emotional difficulties in children.
Five Simple Ways to Be More Present
You don’t have to throw away your smartphone to strengthen your relationship with your children.
Small changes can make a big difference.
1. Create Phone-Free Meals
Even twenty minutes around the dinner table without phones allows everyone to connect.
2. Give Your Child Five Minutes of Undivided Attention
When they want to tell you something, put the phone down completely. Five focused minutes are often more meaningful than thirty distracted ones.
3. Keep Bedrooms Screen-Free
Charging phones outside the bedroom can improve sleep and reduce the temptation to keep checking notifications late into the evening.
4. Schedule Family Time
Go for a walk, play a board game, read together, or spend time outside. Children remember experiences far more than screen time.
5. Ask Yourself One Question
Before picking up your phone, ask:
“Can this wait until after I’m finished with my child?”
Often, the answer is yes.
Grace Over Guilt
Every parent gets distracted.
Every parent has looked at a phone during the wrong moment.
Fortunately, children are incredibly forgiving when they know they matter.
If you catch yourself distracted, simply put the phone away and reconnect.
“I’m sorry—I wasn’t listening. Tell me again.”
Those simple words can repair a moment and teach your child something even more valuable: relationships are worth protecting.
Caring for the Whole Family
At Aslan Health, we believe health is more than blood pressure, lab tests, or medications. Emotional well-being, healthy relationships, and meaningful family connections are essential parts of overall health.
Technology is a wonderful tool. But it should never replace the moments that help children feel seen, heard, and deeply loved.
Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do isn’t downloading another app.
It’s putting the phone down.